Mercies in Disguise

 

So, this is the mama tonight. I am resisting going to sleep. The house is so still and quiet, and I want to enjoy the silence a little longer. The sooner I go to be the sooner it all starts over again.

 It has been a very long time since I have posted, so there is no way possible to summarize all the goings on around here, but to put it simply, we have had our share of ups and downs. Thanks be to God, I think we are on an upward swing.

For those of you who have been with me since the beginning of this blog, you will recall that I originally started it as a way to decompress and process all that life had to throw at us, most specifically with our son Pauly. Pauly is such a precious, beautiful boy, but he struggles, and when he struggles we all struggle.

God has brought us so many wonderful people over the years who have supported us and encouraged us, and we are thankful for all the process he has made. As he approaches puberty, Lord help me, it became clear that the stress of life was getting to be too much for him, and he was anxious and depressed.
 

As a result we have made some changes to our life, one of which is putting our entire family on a nutritional supplement called Reliv. We found out about this great product that could help our bodies heal on a cellular level, and I began talking to moms who had found relief for their children who suffered from similar things to Pauly and also other medical issues like allergies, joint pain, fatigue, etc. We have been on the products for about 3 months now, and we have seen some fantastic progress. It feels so good to know we are getting such sound nutrition.

We also got Pauly started seeing a counselor, the same counselor that the two oldest girls see. She was the first professional we have seen in almost 2 years, as he has been doing so well. She began to raise questions about his diagnosis of autism. This shook me a little. We had labored over the decision of whether or not to have him tested in the first place, but we did, and we adjusted when we got the diagnosis. Sure, there were always some questions, some things that didn't fit, but we trusted the professionals, and no matter what the diagnosis- we needed help, and the label brought us that. Now, we let ourselves begin to wonder... is this something else? does he truly have autism? or is this just a mood disorder with a twist of sensory issues?

We took him to see another psychologist who agreed with our counselor that he does not meet the criteria for autism spectrum disorder, but there would be no way to verify that without having him go through a full neuropsychological evaluation. She also agreed that he clearly displays symptoms of depression and anxiety. Now what? Where do I park my mind now?

I'm not even really sure why I am telling you all this, especially after being quiet for so long. This is such a huge aspect of our life and yet, we are so much more. I am weary and worn, and yet my faith has never been greater. A fellow believer and one suffering, said, "faith is not a feeling, it is a choice."  I choose to believe that God has a great plan for us. I choose to have hope that the best is yet to come and that our suffering has merit, eternal merit.  I have experienced His love in unimaginable ways, the challenge is that sometimes His blessing and mercies are disguised. The victory is His, and I choose to trust and persevere whether my heart is heavy or light.